Self-Care A Thon - Day 2

According to the list, today is OBSTACLES.

My largest obstacle in life, which I hurdle over every day, is my Lupus.

It's an auto-immune disease, where my immune system is hyperactive, attacking the wrong things, like healthy tissue or joints, or even organs. Although triggers in people are different, my lupus is photo-sensitive and stress triggered, so on days where I've been out in the sun, or when I've been more stressed than normal, it can have negative effects the next day, or even the week after, where it makes me feel just that little bit crappier.

I have days where I'm overly tired. I can sleep a full 10-11 hours and still feel like it isn't enough. I've had days where my joints seize... where doing something as simple as putting on clothes is pure agony because every joint feels like it's frozen in Carbonite. But what's scariest about Lupus, especially for me, is that it's not obvious to me when it's active.

But despite all the doom and gloom, I've found I'm extremely lucky, and I'm extremely thankful that I am as lucky as I am. My Lupus is in remission. It's dormant. But there are thousands of Lupus sufferers who have it a lot worse.

It can be severe in some people, where they have to undergo intense chemotherapy or other radical drug treatments to keep it under control. Some people are bedridden with joints that seize completely or their immune systems shut down completely. There are people who have died from Lupus way younger than I am, so I am very aware it can be very serious.

But I choose to focus on the positives. Because in all the years I've had Lupus, we've been trying to find that drug that works, that helps kick Lupus butt. And when I was 19, we found it: my wonder drug, Retuximab.

The worst part about Lupus is overactive white blood cells, and Retuximab does an incredible job at dampening those down. But there's a drawback to that too. It dampens down the immune system, which essentially means most people on Retuximab have an immune system working, at best, at 60% capacity. So this means I should pick up colds and coughs easier. But do I? No. Like I said, I'm lucky.

Okay fine, the last 2 years I've 3 pretty nasty coughs and colds. But given that I've got no immune system, to only pick up 3 in 18 years - particularly when I live with my sister who picks up every cold in existence - I definitely count myself as lucky.

Now that I've been living with it since I was 10, I've found the best thing I can do is just to think positively. And over the years I've come to have a full belief in how a positive outlook on something can be so important.

I just try to live each day as it comes. Sure, I might feel a bit crappier some days compared to others, but I believe if I think positively, the pain or the tiredness will be forgotten about and dissipate, and I'll be okay.

And on those same days when I do feel truly crap, I just look at myself in the mirror and tell myself it's okay not to be okay. I'm not alone in thinking that some days the hurdle is easier to manage. 99 days out of 100 I can clear it without a problem, but there are always those rare days where it gets too much to handle, where I wake up and feel something's just not right.

But hey, you know what? It's okay. If I don't feel up to doing anything, I take a day for myself to recharge. I sleep a bit longer, get up, plonk myself down in front of the TV and sleep as much as I need to. And the next day, I feel ready to take on the world again. And that doesn't even have to just relate to Lupus. Everyone needs days to recharge, and it's okay to give that yourself.

For me, what I find most important, I make sure my Lupus doesn't get me down. If I want to do something, I tell myself I can do it. I take each day as it comes, and whether I feel crappy or not, people will always see me with the same cheery smile on face, same as every other day. I'm happy and laughing no matter whether it's a good day or a bad day.

So what's my key to hurdling over obstacles? It's positivity. It's amazing how much one happy thought can change your day.